Compassion—What We All Long For

Late Saturday evening I got an email confirming what I already suspected. My Covid test was positive. I had woken up early Saturday morning with an unusual headache and body aches, and, knowing I had been exposed to the virus, called my doctor. Within the hour I was waiting in line for my turn with the nose swab (ouch). Before I went to bed, I had the results along with a list of instructions from the doctor. Thankfully, I was prepared for zooming my Sunday School lesson for the TLC class and was able to teach Sunday morning (being grateful for Tylenol). By Sunday afternoon the fatigue, fever and aches made life a little more of a challenge, and the expected increased shortness of breath made its appearance by Monday morning. I am now on day 5, not any better but not really any worse either. For this I am very grateful! 

I’ve done a lot of napping today, but this evening, I’ve been pondering the events of the past several days and thought about conversations I’ve had by phone, text and email with several doctors, health professionals, businesspeople, friends, and family. Some interactions have been compassionate, comforting and sweet, some cold and clinical, a few condescending, and others obviously indifferent. We’ve all experienced this gamut of reactions in the midst of trials, but rarely do we experience the wide spectrum in such a short span of time! Pity, sympathy, empathy, love, compassion, disgust, indifference, understanding, ignorance, attentiveness, sensitivity, insensitivity—all in the span of 5 days! So, let me talk about this, especially for those of you who are well acquainted with suffering.

Pity can be a kind, but often condescending sorrow that is aroused by the suffering of others. It is rarely accompanied by any significant or long-term action or personal involvement and prefers to be as emotionally detached and as uncommitted as possible. Most often, pity looks like polite words and actions that lack real compassion or any depth of love. The word “pity” comes from the Old French term “pite” which means “duty,” from the Latin word “pietas” which also means “duty” and “pius” which means “dutiful.” Pity is truly something we experience as a dutiful acknowledgement or mechanical “duty” rather than something elicited by genuine love and compassion. People tend to recognize the hollow feel of this and react negatively to it. In fact, being the recipient of this kind of pity can leave us bewildered by the emotional “coldness” that it produces in our hearts. 

And then there’s that word “sympathy.” Sympathy is somewhat vague but used to convey a certain kinship with the suffering of others. It doesn’t necessarily go to any great lengths to solve problems or extend help, but it does identify with the sufferer and elicit that element of sharing mutualy human experiences. To offer sympathy is to offer understanding. It’s closely related to the word “empathy” which refers more to the vicarious sharing of emotions, opinions or experiences of another. An empathetic person is able to put themselves in another person’s shoes and experience the vast range of emotions being expressed or experienced by another. 

While the words “pity,” “sympathy,” and “empathy,” describe a variety of emotions that all human beings both give and receive throughout their lives, none of these describe the element of understanding and compassion that our hearts naturally desire. We want more than pity, empathy or sympathy. We want love and compassion! In fact, we long for it deeply. It is something I miss most not having Tom with me any longer. He interacted with me in a loving and compassionate way that always felt reassuring and delightful. The idea of unconditional love resonates with all of us. We want our loved ones to understand, extend mercy and come along side of us in times of trouble. The last thing we desire is condescending advice, disinterest, or subtle censure of our human imperfection—especially in times of difficulty. Tender and gentle words filled with understanding, love and compassion touches an inner heart chord that elicits a satisfying internal joy. It draws us to, not away from the people who offer it. On the opposite end of the spectrum are cold or heartless words that lack any real interest or understanding. Empty words and stony indifference are able to wound the heart and lead to disappointment. Not a pleasant experience! 

No Christian wants to be cold and indifferent—we want to be filled with the love of God. We want to be caring and compassionate. These are the birthmarks of every true believer indwelt by God’s Spirit. The consciousness of others’ distress coupled with a desire to alleviate it comes naturally to those who know and love the Lord Jesus Christ. Yet sadly, we all fall woefully short of our aspirations! We may feel sorry for others or empathize with them. We might even pray with those who are needing care or offer words of encouragement or help, but we cannot be compassionate or understand in exactly the same way Jesus does. Not even the most loving husband or wife could fill that void! God made us with a desire to love and be loved unconditionally—but not so other people could fulfill that desire. He made us with this capacity so we could find and enjoy His love and love Him in return. It is only then, when we know God’s love and are filled with God’s love, that we grow in our love for others and begin to learn how to love as Christ loves us, even if we do so awkwardly and imperfectly.

We fall short because we fall short of the perfection of God! We are far more pained by the lack of love others give to us than we are pained for our own lack of love and compassion we give others. Our focus is all wrong. Too often we give in order to receive, not realizing how far off that is from genuine love as God defines it. Which is why it is not satisfying! Love isn’t an exchange—it is given because one is simply genuinely loving. For God so loved the world that He GAVE . . . (read John 3:16) Not only do we battle with self-interest, self-exaltation, self-centeredness, self-absorption and self-will, but we are humans limited in strength, endurance, wisdom, intelligence, and understanding. We don’t have unlimited resources of anything so we cannot possibly be to everyone what everyone needs. We are confronted every day with a world that is filled with zillions of needy people and problems that are all begging for compassion and intervention, but alas! Our shoulders are not broad enough to carry the load only God can manage. 

This doesn’t even begin to describe the extent of our inadequacy in comparison to God’s adequacy and innumerable, all-encompassing attributes of perfection, glory and power. We can’t read people’s minds, let alone know what is in their hearts. We can’t comprehend the complexity of experiences we have never encountered, and we are not able to wrap our arms around the reality that the human heart (including our own) is corrupted to the point of being described by God as desperately wicked and deceitful. We are fooled every day by smiling people who have learned how to be polite even as they lie to us and masterfully hide their contempt. It is no wonder that we experience so little genuine love and compassion in this world! Nor should we be surprised when we discover the fact that no human being can satisfy our longing to be perfectly loved and accepted and understood. 

Jesus said, “I, even I, am the LORD; there is no Savior beside me,” (Isaiah 43:11) God hasn’t deputized any junior messiahs! He is the one and only miracle working Messiah. None but Christ is able to give us what we long for most and no one but Christ is able to rescue us from our sin or transform our hearts or meet all our needs. David discovered this truth in a time of distress. He cried out to God and said, “I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me [understand me]: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul. I cried unto thee, O LORD: I said, Thou art my refuge and my portion in the land of the living.” (Psalms 142:4-5) Notice he initially looked for that which his heart longed for in people. Being disappointed, he then acknowledged that God alone was his place of refuge and source of joy and help. God may use people in our lives—David did have some wonderful, loyal friends—but our expectation should NEVER be in people! Our expectation must be in our God alone. It is why the Psalmist declared, “My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.” (Psalms 62:5)

So how does this reality help us respond to an icy cold nurse practitioner who doesn’t have her facts right and isn’t listening? Or a physician’s assistant who has no concept what it’s like to be on your own and sick while he’s asking you drive in to pick up meds or have a family member get them? Or a doctor who is obviously unhappy you didn’t heed the isolation recommendation as precisely as was given? Or a well-meaning neighbor who is horrified you went outside to bring in your mail while infected with Covid (even though there was no human in sight)? 

We are incapable of infusing other people with Christian compassion or love—inward heart change is something only God can accomplish. Instead, we overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21), and follow Christ’s instructions found in Matthew 5:44, “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” We turn our expectation from people and fix our gaze upon our loving and compassionate Savior who knows exactly what we need.

There are always those who come out of nowhere to compassionately rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. (Romans 12:15) There are brothers and sisters in Christ who are filled with mercy, love and grace and lift our hearts with whatever they have to give-whether it be a smile, a word spoken in due season, a simple moment of laughter, a hug or a kind and benevolent act of love. However, no one can be everywhere at once, and no one has unlimited time and resources—so for us to expect the impossible from our fellow mortal humans is unrealistic, not to mention self-centered. God wants us to look to Him. He is more than enough! He alone is capable of meeting our needs! He is able to bring all those little things together and use all kinds of little kindnesses to comfort our hearts in the toughest of times. God as our Father handles the great burden of care, but He masterfully enlists all His children to take a small part so we can be laborers together with Him and experience the love and compassion of the best family in the world–our Christian family.

Our God is so amazing He can use anything and anyone—even an unbelieving, sinful fellow human—to meet a need. Like the kind nurse who came out from behind her busy pharmacy cubicle and walked a significant distance to where I was parked on the other end of the complex, just to take my temperature and demonstrate my thermometer was kaput (oops) and then she hand carried my meds (and a new thermometer), and put the charge on my card on file in order to speed up the process for me and get me on my way back home. I don’t know why or how she did it (it wasn’t in her job description), but she made things happen and she did it with kindness and compassion. I wanted to hug her, a perfect stranger! She encouraged me without knowing I was in great need of patience, or that I was lost in emotion backed thoughts like, “If Tom were here . . .” The fact is, Jesus was there. When Tom was here Jesus used Tom. But God didn’t stop caring for me or meeting my need when Tom was gone. My God simply continued to do what He has always done because He is my good Shepherd! He sent the exact kind of help I needed at the exact right moment. What joy to know I am not an orphan because I’m a widow. I’m still who I was before widowhood—God’s precious child whom He has pledged to care for and love FOREVER.

And of some have compassion, making a difference: And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh. Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen. (Jude 1:22-25)